Monday, February 9, 2015

Personal Update

I dislike posting about things of this nature and find the idea of releasing this nerve-racking.

I am writing it because I have several friends now that I know would want to be aware of all of this, but there are simply too many people for me to inform individually. And it’s not the sort of thing that I want to have to reiterate dozens of separate times and keep dozens of people updated on continuously. It's a bit wearying.

I also typically (but not always) refrain from discussing issues this personal about myself on this site, or anywhere else in public. But, again, this is something fairly significant, so I thought that I would share it now. And it might come up in the future when I actually do another personal video anyway.

The last year or so, or year-and-a-half to be more precise, has been both great and terrible for me. Most of the time, my life is much like a rotting apple: a lot of bad parts throughout with a few good ones here and there. I have been working hard in spite of that to change things, and even though I haven’t quite rid myself of all of the foul bits yet, I have certainly made a great deal of progress at cutting them away and out.

I’ve overcome some awful dilemmas, found a way to deal with new health difficulties, managed to keep myself in school and find a job that provides me decent money. I have been doing almost nothing but work so that I can pay my bills, the bills of the person that I live with, afford my classes, and still have money left over. And as of right now, I am managing to balance all of that fairly well and stay ahead.

So, again, regardless of the recent turn of events which I am about to discuss, a great deal of things could be far worse. That is one truth that I take solace in, even though I know that it means that there is, and will forever be, more left to handle in the future. Such is life.

Anyway, since I had a child a couple of years ago, I have had recurring (but benign) ovarian cysts. They have always been, for me at least, painful. But they generally go away on their own after a while and then I am fine again and everything returns to (relatively) normal.

Around two weeks ago, however, my doctors found yet another cyst, and this one, as it turns out, is not benign.

To make a long story short, I have ovarian cancer. They discovered it soon enough that I will be, for the most part, fine, but there will be other complications which anyone familiar with ovarian cancer might be aware of that I won’t describe explicitly. I have expected this to come for a while due to the dangers stemming from the recurring cysts, but I had hoped that it would be later in life.

Nonetheless, for the next few weeks, I won’t be around all that often, posting as frequently as I sometimes do or responding a great deal to anyone. On many days I will be away from home and at the hospital having tests done and preparing for a removal surgery on the 16th of this month.

Until then, I am dealing with the pain of this thing, which is about the size of a golf ball, without the medication that they gave me because I refuse to take painkillers (personal phobia). When I am online, I might be less responsive than usual or not quite as “cheerful” as normal because of it. I only wanted to mention that because I don’t want anyone to take my directness or unresponsiveness personally.

It is a dejecting and trying experience, but as always, I will eventually be fine. I know that people message me every day via Twitter DMs and YouTube and email and I’ve not been saying much. But it hasn’t been because I am avoiding or ignoring anyone. I read all that is sent to me. I just haven’t been on a lot or felt like talking and holding lengthy conversations.

Hopefully, once all of this is over, everything will be fine and there won’t be any further issues or distractions. I would like to feel like doing more again so that I can begin fulfilling the requests (some long-standing now) to produce more videos and posts, et cetera. I have wanted to, but I simply haven’t felt up to doing it.

And as always, I would like to thank all of my many friends for being so wonderful and kind. Friendship is truly one of the most valuable things, at least for me, in the world, and I appreciate all of you each day.

That’s all for now; have a great day, everyone.

P.S. I will update this in a few weeks to tell you all how things turned out, and then shortly after that I will delete it.

UPDATE (February 14, 2015):

Preparation and surgery Monday.

I'll have to stay in the hospital for a brief while because I won't be able to sit up or move a lot due to the incision, and then they're going to have me walk a little each day. When I can walk a mile without being in a lot of pain, I will be able to go home. They don't know how long it will take to remove everything.

I will likely be released (according to them) on Wednesday, or at the latest, Friday.

It could end up being longer for unforeseen reasons, though.

UPDATE (February 15, 2015):

Due to the first large ice/winter storm of the year, which froze everything over tonight at 24 degrees, they called me and postponed the surgery; I will know by Wednesday (the 18th) what date it's been rescheduled to.

UPDATE (February 19, 2015):

My removal surgery has been rescheduled to Monday, March 2nd.

UPDATE (March 5, 2015):

The removal surgery went well, but they found additional cysts elsewhere and removed those as well. That led to a complication which resulted in another surgery. Now I am fine. I walked a mile yesterday, which is what I needed to do so that I can leave. And I should be leaving tomorrow, despite all of the snow that fell last night.

Thank you, everyone!